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Grey, my friend, all theory is and green the blossoming tree of life

J.W. von Goethe

Funny things happen on the way to the forum and creepy things nascent in academia. Or, as the eminent Viennese scholar and nearly universal sage Professor Ludwig von Drake once said: ”For every problem you may find a most impractical solution.”

Don’t misunderstand me: Scientists and academics have contributed greatly to human culture. But sometimes they develop and design quite creepy things. As a matter of fact, in my humble opinion, all groggy things emerge from academia; perhaps not always on purpose or immediately after being put in the cupboard for poisonous things. But sometimes these things escape from that cupboard as the masters are not always able to control the Zauberlehrlinge – the academic apprentices – or just developed as a practical joke for theorists and then some dimwit outside academia takes it seriously.

Here are some sardonic definitions of those phenomena which should have been laughed out of court right from the beginning. 

AntiSemitism – Jews are nearly all-powerful but could not stop Hitler and therefore it is all their fault.

Apartheid – Bureaucracy works in race relations.

Atheism – There is no higher, supreme being… except me.

Atonal music – It is only the thing if it does not got the swing.

Bureaucracy – Bureau-crazy.

Climate change – You do not even know the definition of this term, but every cow fart influences it somehow, somewhere.

Command economy – Bureaucracy works in social relations.

Communism – If humans are a problem, kill them. No humans, no problem.

Critical Theory – You liberate people by making them neurotic.

Deconstruct-ism – You do not have a clue how to build up, but you know how to destroy.

Econometrics – You cannot count, but you can calculate a whole economy.

Evolutionism – Life develops senselessly by chance and tautologies.

Feminism – DIAMAT is the girl’s best friend.

Futurism – Art must be noisy, shocking and confusing.

Gender-ism – Everything is fluid and only a social construct, but this dogma is rock solid.

Khmer Rouge – Communist things learned at Sorbonne realized in rice paddies.

Nominalism – Nothing is really real.

Nationalism and socialism combined – You aggressively combine two types of collectivism and are surprised when the world despises you.

Post-structuralism – Everything is very complicated… or not… or whatever.

Scientific Socialism – DIAMAT is more important than diamonds.

Scientific Nationalism – You tell everyone that you are absolutely superior and expect to be loved for it.

Sociology – You explain immeasurable behaviour ex post for the future, so that it can be measured.

Political science – It is about politicians doing political things in public.

Witchcraft and –hunt – Witches and their masters are extremely dangerous and powerful, but cannot stop their own burning.

But why is it like this?

Sir Karl Popper wrote in his magisterial book The Open Society and Its Enemies that  education must enable the student to differentiate between a quack and a real expert. Popper also gave us the golden rule of falsification: Every theory, every dogma, every proposal, every technique must

  1. Be ready to be refuted and disproved,
  2. Indicate how it can be refuted within a reasonable time, and
  3. Be ready to learn from its falsification.

Otherwise it is not reason, but a cult. Now, a cult is not necessarily bad, and can be useful or amusing, but has the tendency to be

  1. without humour, and
  2. to become fanatic and sterile.

And this is in itself not good.

From one grandfather I received an old farmer’s wisdom: ”If you can’t raise a stone, let it be.” You should accept the challenge not being able to meet the challenge.

What we experience now is that some nincompoops in politics and academia tailor a problem to their own, very limited capacities, and then proudly parade with a small pebble courageously lifted from the ground.

You should always know what you do not know or, as one English Lord Rothschild, being an investment baker in the 1950s: ”What do we know about deep frozen fish?” The implicit answer was ‘nothing’ and therefore let us keep their hands off.

The following attitudes endanger real academic spirit and lead to superficial know it all behaviour from the academic jacks of all trades.

Academic training and intellectual nutrition for the brain decayed to fast food for the masses, and common sense has been disregarded and actively combated with sterile dogmatism.

Over-theorisation. The far leftist wallow in ‘theory of praxis’ and ‘praxis of theory’, sit in smoke-filled cafes now substituted by vegan food stations and never look out of the window. Blossoming life is ignored. The good thing is that those academic beta-boys are also ignoring blossoming girls and do not procreate. They propagate a morality which is only self-serving and has no practical advantage for others. These people only feel good if everyone else feels bad.

The constructive impetus to teach is turned into a nagging governess behaviour and attitude.

Immense disputes are carried out about nothing. The French call this “querelle allemande” with good reason. Those academic cat-fights are especially vicious because they lack substance and meaning.

And finally, all those nitwits are elevated by the significance of the own importance.

As the great statesman Otto von Bismarck said: ”Politics is an art and not a science and whoever does not command this art should keep his fingers out.” More sense for art and craft and trade and less puffed upped wannabees.

  • Tim Crowe

    There you go again Harald. I couldn’t agree more on your description of the Khmer
    Rouge and your characterization of Popper’s philosophy.

    My favorite Bismark quote is: The main thing is to make history, not to write it.

    My seargent’s solution to the rock problem was: Paint it white.

    • Harald Sitta

      thank you!